Confessions of a Professional… ?

So I’m in a sketch comedy troupe. I’m not even going to list that as one of my jobs as I have never earned a cent from the half dozen performances I’ve done with them. That’s not the point. The point is that in our upcoming performance at Chicago Sketch Fest I will be playing the main role in a sketch that I wrote (I took a page out of Sly Stallone’s handbook there; if you want a big part, write yourself one). I am proud of this not only because I think it is a funny sketch but because it will be the first thing I have written that people will be paying to see. I need to type that out again for my own benefit. People will be paying to see something that I wrote. That feels really fucking good. Moving on.

I came up with this joke yesterday:

“I just bought Tiger Woods ’10 for my Nintendo Wii. I can’t wait to play the mini-game where you cheat on your wife and then dodge the 9 iron she swings at you.”

Not the best joke ever, I admit, but it is certainly timely. It reminds me of the kind of stuff you hear on Chelsea Lately, in that it’s not so much the quality of the joke that counts but its originality and relevance. Which got me thinking; I could totally write for a show like that. I think anyone who knows me well would have to admit that witticisms are one of my strong points. I don’t really know where I’m going with all this, except that when I was living in Holland a few years ago I wrote about 40 pages of what I was calling “my first novel” (i know, i can be such a tool) but then lost interest in the story and the characters. But people I showed it to responded well, and I’m enough of a literati to know it doesn’t completely suck and that worse stuff has been published.

I once listened to parts of the audio book Steven King: On Writing. King is one of my all-time favorite authors. Yes he’s a bit low-brow but the man knows how to create worlds. Anyway he talks a lot about the big transition between just writing for enjoyment and writing because someone is paying you to do it. The way he made it sound is that you just keep doing the first one and the later can sort of happen by itself. I won’t lie, the prospect of making money off my writing is one reason I started this blog. Even if it’s only practicing the art, every little bit has to help, doesn’t it? And speaking of which I just realized how good my typing has gotten. I used to be a confirmed hunt-and-pecker but here I am staring at the screen whizzing away on home row. I think this new keyboard that came with our new PC really helps, it’s got these low-profile keys that take very little effort to depress. Kind of like an emo kid. Ha zing there I go again. Money please.

links and self-pimpage: my sketch troupe:  www.comicthread.com    performing at Chicago Sketch Fest   www.chicagosketchfest.com       Jan 10th @ 4 pm.         Location:  Theatre Building Chicago on Belmont

Peace in the Middle East, Suckas

So I’m at the Twin Rinks Ice Pavillion (that is the real name, i’m not jazzing it up at all) in Buffalo Grove the other day filming a hockey game between Stevenson High School and Neuqua Valley High School. This is a job I have, I shoot freelance video for Stevenson High School. It pays relatively well although the hours are few and very unpredictable. Anyway, in between periods a couple of guys that are standing next to me (hockey dads, I assume) start talking to me about the kind of camera I’m using (Canon XL1) and how professional it looks, etc. One of them then asks me if I’m a professional cameraman. My response to him was “Well, at the moment, I guess I am, yeah.” What struck me as profound about this moment is that had anyone asked me that question about any one of the multiple (think double digits, and I’m only 26) jobs I’ve had in nearly as many separate fields, my answer would have likely been the same.

I grew up hearing some imagined statistic spouted all the time that my generation would hold not just three different jobs in our lifetimes, but three different careers. This I’m sure made some of our parents gasp or at least shake their heads. Well, try again, soothsayers. By my count I have three different careers that I’m holding down right now. And these are all new fields to me. So join me if you will, on this exploration of my professional follies, successes, goals and disappointments that if nothing else will allow me to have some scope on the whole mess.  And for the record, yes I am living at home again as of two months ago. Yeah, with my parents. And it’s because I can’t afford anything else, not because I love it so much. So even the word profession in my case deserves a grain of salt with every dose. Ok. Now to play online poker. If I make any money tonight I guess that will make four jobs I’m holding down.